Chronicles of an Uncool Mom

I used to be cool, hip, “with it”, rad, awesome (ok maybe I am pushing it…a little).

Then life happened.

Somewhere between settling down to start a family and having my first child, it seemed the “coolness” factor went right out the window. Gone were the days of driving my cute little Hatchback to pick up friends for drinks at the local pub. A few vehicles later, the replacement became what I call a mini Mini Van, just big enough to pack a stroller, play pen and my ever-unravelling sanity. It was at the dealership when I signed on the dotted line that I realized my dream of being a badass young mom who would juggle wiping snot out of my babies’ noses, while prepping gourmet meals in mock designer active wear, was slowly disintegrating.

It was a reality check. “Hanging out” now meant visiting your neighborhood park with child in stroller and hoping to empathize with other frazzled parents. Ummm… that didn’t always go as planned. Without fail, the “supermoms” would be out in full force, looking like they just stepped out of a salon, every hair strand perfectly placed, makeup pristine, and flat-abbed bodies that didn’t seem to have pushed out an 8 pound human. But there they were, sitting in packs on the park bench, legs crossed, chatting away about nail color. It was almost like high school all over again. Their lives were seemingly perfect but were they??

I, on the other hand, mastered the Constantly-Tired-With-Hair-in-a-Bun-look. Hey I “dressed up” once in awhile, aka dusted on some light make-up to mimic the natural cheek flush I used to have and put on a t-shirt that said “Moms Rule”. Naturally, I gravitated towards others at the park with the same “fashion sense”. Ha! Those sisters were my people!

As the kids got older, it became increasingly clear that navigating through the rough waters of parenthood was not going to be easy. No matter how cool you think you are or were, teenagers will remind you almost daily how you don’t understand, don’t know anything, and are annoying. Buy the wrong {insert anything here} and you will surely get the dreaded eye roll along with an exasperated sigh.

Some moments have stood out more than others, not for the right reasons, and every once in while my daughters like to poke fun at me by going over these epic gems:

-Running to the bus stop in my pj’s to bring my daughter the lunch bag she had forgotten on the kitchen counter. In my defense, I was unemployed at the time and was in full-mom mode. Even 5 years later, she still reproaches me for it but at the time, I had all of 10 seconds to decide whether to bolt out the door, bag in hand OR let her starve until supper. My attire apparently is what exacerbated the situation. My PJ bottoms actually looked like sweatpants but per her account, she was mortified to see me sprinting around the corner in sleepwear, then made things worse because I motioned to her as discreetly (I thought) as possible from across the street. When that didn’t work, softly calling her name was my last resort, until she gave me her trademark glare and met me halfway to grab the bag out of my hands. I clearly didn’t get the memo on “Embarassment 101”.

-Sprinting down the aisle (running is a big theme here) to take pics of my younger daughter receiving an Excellence Award for Music during her 6th Grade Grad. Apparently I broke all parenting protocols when I did this. Taking pics didn’t bother her but it looked more (again her words not mine), like the paparazzi descended upon a celebrity wedding to get that money shot! Invasive? I think not. I was in the back row so my inner track star kicked in and I made it to the front of the auditorium in 5 seconds flat like a bat out of hell! Proud mom moment!

-Picking up my daughter after her first day in high school. I stood at least 15 feet away from the bus stop but to hear my daughter recount the ‘horror’, it was as if I had actually boarded the bus, yanked her out of her seat and dragged her home. Being incognito in dark sunglasses and a cap didn’t cut it either. I clearly was going for unobtrusive and mysterious but instead appeared like a stalker. She barely glanced my way as she stomped down the bus steps and walked ahead of me…!! See? again running…but this time it’s not me. Lesson learned: Do not pick her up at the bus stop. Ever.

Am I ever going to be “cool” in their eyes? Maybe not but I am totally ok with it. I know they love me for being selfless and that this will manifest itself in some awkward or embarassing but well intended ways. They will only understand what parenthood is, with all its ups and downs, when they go through it themselves, one eye roll at a time.

10 thoughts on “Chronicles of an Uncool Mom

  1. Ha I was never ever cool. My kids aren’t old enough to have noticed, yet. Though they do complain if I stop to chat with another mum, that’s mostly just impatience I think. I live in fear of the moment I start getting “muuuuhuuum what are you doing? Stop that!”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have a 3 year old and he already tells me to please stop when I try to dance or sing!!! LOL I cant wait to see what his teenage years bring (I’m dreading it, honestly!).

    Liked by 2 people

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